In a bold move that could have ramifications throughout the gaming industry, the World Health Organization officially classified gaming disorder as disease this weekend after Director-General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus’ son spent an entire beautiful day inside playing Overwatch.
The revision to the ICD-11 listing of diseases and health problems was adopted after Ghebreyesus observed his son sitting inside, staring at a screen for “eight fucking hours straight” despite the fact that it was 70 degrees outside and there was’t a cloud in the sky. The new entry defines gaming disorder as “a pattern of persistent and recurring behavior in which a kid wastes an entire day sitting on his ass like a slug when he should be outside playing in the sun.”
“Based on my wide-ranging review of a good-for-nothing kid’s entire wasted Saturday, we have determined that it’s a fucking shame someone would loaf about playing these games instead of running around with their friends, riding a bike, or playing a game like normal kids used to,” said Ghebreyesus. “Frankly, I don’t care what you do—climb a tree, throw rocks at a cat—just get the hell out of the house. There is something wrong with this generation. This disorder is a serious problem for the little shits who need to get some fresh air.”
There has been some blowback from gamers and industry representatives, who claim the classification was rushed and didn’t take into account that Ghebreyesus’ son’s team had almost taken the second checkpoint in King’s Row. However, the World Health Organization has stood by its decision, recommending that anyone suffering from a gaming disorder get outside right now unless they want their systems to be thrown in the goddamn garbage where they belong.