Total Bullshit: OGN Can’t Review ‘Marvel’s Avengers’ Because We Forgot Our Parents Are Sending Us To Church Camp For 2 Weeks

Illustration for article titled Total Bullshit: OGN Can’t Review ‘Marvel’s Avengers’ Because We Forgot Our Parents Are Sending Us To Church Camp For 2 Weeks

Hey, readers. You know that here at OGN, we pride ourselves on always delivering the most up-to-date insight and commentary on all things gaming, which is why it totally sucks to have to let you know that we can’t review Marvel’s Avengers because we forgot our parents are sending us to church camp for two weeks.

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This is so dumb. We tried telling them we don’t want to spend the end of summer in some leaky cabin learning about Christ’s teachings, but they won’t listen!

Honestly, gamers, we’re really pissed about this because we were looking forward to letting you know if the latest action-adventure title from Crystal Dynamics would be as disappointing as the beta suggested, or if it would surprise audiences with a fully fleshed-out coming-of-age story. Instead, we’re going to spend three hours every day in stupid Bible study, and pretty much the only cool thing is the ropes course, which doesn’t even look that fun!

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How’s the gameplay? What’s the overall playability? Does the storyline track? We’d have some pretty awesome thoughts on all these aspects and more, but we’re completely up shit creek here because our parents want us removed from the influence of the secular world because of some horseshit they read in “Christianity Today.”

Ugh, we hate this. To be honest, we’re not even sure we totally believe in Christ anymore!

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Now, one thing we will say is we’re reading the pamphlet and there’s a paintball course as a reward for completing your service day that sounds pretty cool. Apparently, the youth pastor also teaches you how to play guitar at something called the Caritas Open Mic. So we might check that out if we’re desperate.

Otherwise, though, it looks like you’ll have to enjoy it without us this time, gamers. The good news is we made our parents promise that we could spend the whole weekend playing Marvel’s Avengers when we get back, so we’ll definitely have a review for you then!

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