Someone Needs To Explain: The Upcoming Games In The ‘Mario,’ ‘GTA,’ and ‘Metal Gear Solid’ Series Are All Called ‘The Sands Of Time’

Illustration for article titled Someone Needs To Explain: The Upcoming Games In The ‘Mario,’ ‘GTA,’ and ‘Metal Gear Solid’ Series Are All Called ‘The Sands Of Time’

Okay gamers, here at OGN, we pride ourselves on providing the most comprehensive look at the much-anticipated video games. But now we have a piece of truly perplexing news that we’re going to need someone to sort out for us. Today, in separate press conferences, the biggest publishers in the world just revealed that the upcoming installments in the Super Mario, Grand Theft Auto, and Metal Gear Solid franchises are somehow all subtitled “The Sands of Time”?

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Your guess is as good as ours, gamers. We got nothing on this one.

While we’re incredibly excited to have Nintendo, Rockstar Games, and Hideo Kojima all taking the stage on the same day, we’re also having a tremendous amount of trouble wrapping our heads around why each of the developers’ latest games seems to be named after the 2003 action-platformer set in ancient Persia—or are they? We really have no idea.

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It’s especially confusing given that most of the titles in some way makesuse of an hourglass in the graphic. You could argue that it was just a mistake if it only happened to be one of these companies that adopted the “Sands of Time” suffix. But all three? It just doesn’t make any sense.

Super Mario: Sands of Time. Grand Theft Auto: The Sands of Time. Metal Gear Solid: The Sands of Time. We’re not going to act like these aren’t cool titles. They definitely are. But we’d assume that Ubisoft would have the exclusive rights to that phrase. Even if not, why would any other game developer want to associate their games with such an iconic phrase? It’s simply not possible that nobody at any of these three major video game companies had ever heard of the original “Sands of Time” game. That was one of the most popular titles of the sixth console generation.

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Does anyone understand how this could have happened? Anyone?

We’re just going to go ahead and assume that each game has some sort of time-travel element too, but why would these publishers do that? How could all three of them possibly use this mechanic in an inventive way?

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Please don’t take our confusion as negativity, gamers. These are huge announcements for some of the most popular franchises in video game history. We’re talking about a new Metal Gear Solid, a series long thought dead since Kojima’s departure from Konami. And new titles in Mario and Grand Theft Auto? This is incredibly exciting stuff. All we’re saying is that it’s kind of incomprehensible why any single one of them would choose to have a title that had already been used 17 years ago.

We reached out to programmers at Nintendo, Rockstar, and Konami about it, but they refused to respond and seemed genuinely angry that we questioned this baffling decision.

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Are they fucking with us?

Seriously, gamers, if anyone knows what the hell is going on here please let us know. Maybe there’s some sort of movement to establish “Sands of Time” as its own video game genre subset that we don’t know about? Or for some reason, all future video games will be named after Prince Of Persia games or Jake Gyllenhaal films? Whatever the truth is, we’re confused but prepared to enjoy these awesome new games alongside the just announced Prince of Persia: The Origami King.

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