Nobody Panic: Bulbasaur Found A Gun

Illustration for article titled Nobody Panic: Bulbasaur Found A Gun

Alright, gamers, remain calm, but we have a situation on our hands. We don’t know how it happened or how long this is going to last, but it looks like everyone’s favorite Gen 1 Leaf Pokémon has found a gun.

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Nobody panic. We can figure this out, okay?

The good news is that for the moment Bulbasaur is just kind of poking around at it the revolver with his muzzle. Unfortunately, he looks nervous enough that any slight movement could startle him into pressing the trigger. There’s just no way we can know. It’s also unclear if he knows how to fire a gun, or if he’s even aware of what a dangerous weapon is currently in his possession. This is a .44 caliber revolver we’re talking about. It could take your head clear off in a single shot.

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Oh, shit, he just nudged it really hard. Oh, shit.

What’s most concerning is that the gun appears to be fully loaded and he’s now using his vines to fiddle with the safety...gamers, this is very, very bad. We might be able to talk to him in a soothing voice to distract him. Yeah, maybe that’s it. We’ll just try to calm him down and slowly take the gun away from—Jesus Christ!

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Fuck.

Readers, Bulbasaur just shot a hole in the wall. He has figured out how to use the gun. It may have been a warning shot or a misfire, we don’t know. He’s just saying his own name over and over. That’s it. We’re calling the cops. We don’t care if they have to shoot Bulbasaur on sight. This is getting out of hand.

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