We hate to be the bringer of bad news, gamers, but looks like we’ve got to report a pretty huge letdown coming out of the Onion Gaming Expo today: Todd Howard was just about to announce new details about the latest entry in the Elder Scrolls series when a huge rat pulled him down into some reeds, and now everything is eerily still.
In what will come as a major disappointment for fans of the popular high-fantasy RPG, the prolific game developer had just stepped on stage and uttered the words, “I’m thrilled to announce,” when a truly massive rat—we’re talking, like, the size of a dalmatian, we swear to God—just leaped up from out of nowhere and dragged the screaming Bethesda executive producer into the murky depths. There was some thrashing around for a while, but it ended very, very quickly.
Sadly, it looks like we’re just going to have to continue to wait to hear about the forthcoming adventures on the continent Tamriel since after the brief sounds of a struggle, everything is completely silent. There aren’t even any bubbles escaping from the surface anymore. It’s just the trickling of the water and whisper of the wind outside.
We didn’t even know rats could get that big. Jesus Christ.
While it’s undoubtedly a bummer that we didn’t glean so much as a release date or confirmation about the subtitle of the hotly anticipated sixth title in the Elder Scrolls series, this sudden and violent incident at the Expo serves as a good reminder that life is a fragile and truly precious thing. Stay tuned, gamers, we’ll keep reporting all the latest news from OGE, but right now we’re so shaken up that we’re just going to stand here for a little while longer listening to the wind and the croak of frogs until the fog lifts.