Major Hype: Gamers Have Been Divorcing Their Spouses Because They Aren’t As Beautiful As The Graphics On ‘Unreal Engine 5’

Illustration for article titled Major Hype: Gamers Have Been Divorcing Their Spouses Because They Aren’t As Beautiful As The Graphics On ‘Unreal Engine 5’

Anyone who caught last month’s Unreal Engine 5 demo footage knows that the hype is real. Its photorealistic textures, pitch-perfect physics, and mind-boggling number of onscreen polygons are set to define what’s possible for the next generation. But the proof in the pudding that UE5 will change everything isn’t in the demonstration itself, but in how it’s affecting the personal lives of gamers everywhere. Millions across the globe have started divorcing their spouses after realizing their loved ones will never be as beautiful as Unreal Engine 5’s face-melting graphics in Lumen In The Land Of Nanit.

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If that doesn’t have you pumped for the future of gaming glory, we don’t know what will!

“After seeing the demo, I looked at my husband, David, and I realized that he meant nothing to me,” said Anna Jewell, one of an estimated 350,000 gamers who walked out on a spouse or children after seeing the Lumen In The Land Of Nanite demo. “The shading on his upper lip looked off. Plus, it seemed like he was flat and kind of lifeless compared to the characters rendered in dynamic global illumination. So I just packed up my things and drove to the Epic Games headquarters to see if they had more to watch.”

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“Honestly, he could live or die and I would feel absolutely nothing at this point,” she added. “I just want to see more of what Epic does with photogrammetry.”

That’s right! Just one glimpse at this Hollywood-level ray tracing has led many gamers to flee their homes while their spouse was asleep and go to a nearby motel where they could repeatedly watch the heart-racing nine-minute graphics demonstration without interruption. Boy, we can only imagine how awesome gaming on the Xbox One and PS5 is going to be if the graphics are already ripping families apart!

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So hang tight, gamers. The next generation is coming in a matter of months, and when it does, we can all finally leave the underwhelming real world for the level of rendering fidelity that we’ve always wanted. Until then, stay tuned to OGN!

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