Ignorant Man Who Has Learned Nothing From History Excited About ‘Star Wars: Jedi Fallen Order’

Illustration for article titled Ignorant Man Who Has Learned Nothing From History Excited About ‘Star Wars: Jedi Fallen Order’

Looks like someone hasn’t been paying attention! Brett Winston, a deeply ignorant man who has apparently learned nothing from history, told friends this week that he’s excited about the upcoming Electronics Arts title Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order.


“Oh man, the gameplay trailer actually makes it look really cool,” said the 28-year-old Phoenix resident and woefully mistaken individual, who betrayed a willful disregard for the ever-repeating patterns of the past as he noted that Fallen Order almost looked like playing an interactive Star Wars movie. “It’s definitely interesting that they’re setting the story after Revenge Of The Sith, which is still pretty fertile territory to explore. Plus, it seems like they’re being faithful to the source material based on the stuff I watched showing Saw Gerrera.”

“Honestly, I might even pick it up on launch day,” said the profoundly foolish man, seeming to cast aside decades of painfully gained knowledge from time’s passage as he sought out an additional teaser trailer.

Excitedly scrolling through an in-depth preview of the action–adventure title, the deeply, deeply naive man went on to express optimism for the game’s mechanics that he described as “Uncharted meets God Of War” in a manner that revealed him to have discarded each and every hard-won lesson that the past might have taught him through the release of titles such as The Force Unleashed 2, Battlefront 2, The Clone Wars, Star Wars: Demolition, Kinect Star Wars, Star Wars: Obi-Wan, Jedi Power Battles, Jedi Starfighter, and Star Wars: Bounty Hunter.

Ever a prisoner to history’s cyclical cruelties, Winston was last seen browsing the EA homepage to look into what additional content was included if he preorders the Fallen Order deluxe edition.