Illustration for article titled Huge Announcement: Sony Just Revealed The PS5 Can Function As A Makeshift Gravestone To Mark The Site Of Your Shallow Burial

Well gamers, it looks like Sony’s long-anticipated unveiling of the PlayStation 5’s specs did not disappoint. Not only is the system massively powerful with over 10 teraflops of computing output, but the company also revealed the state-of-the-art console can function as a makeshift gravestone to mark the site of your hasty and shallow burial.


Oh boy, we are gonna need one of these, and pronto.

“From playing Blu-rays to supporting VR, PlayStation has always been at the forefront of bringing gamers more functionality, and we are only expanding on that with the PS5’s ability to be pounded into the shallow dirt to mark the site of your untimely passing,” said lead architect Mike Cerny during Wednesday’s announcement video. “We’ve strived to make the PS5 the centerpiece of your home, whether it’s streaming movies or acting as a quick easily constructed memorial for someone who was struck down before their time.”


The 825GB solid-state drive may be the big news for some gamers, but we here at OGN are far more excited about scratching “GONE TOO SOON” into the side of the PS5 as we quickly bury our loved ones on the side of the road. It is certainly one of the features that we expect will see the most use, and it will last a lot longer than two sticks crudely lashed into a cross.

Cerny added: “We knew we needed to anticipate the needs of the next, and likely last, generation of gamers, which is why the PS5 will be able to endure years of inclement weather while it commemorates your life, even as the once-clear etching of your name slowly erodes and becomes unreadable. It is also our most energy-efficient, environmentally friendly PlayStation ever.”


While the exact look of the console has not yet been revealed, PlayStation fans can sleep easy knowing they will soon have a perfect way to remind the world that, for a brief time, they did exist. We know that for a lot of people out there, the PlayStation 5’s release simply won’t come soon enough.

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