Gaming Addict Attempting To Slowly Wean Self Off Of Real Life

It’s an honest-to-god redemption story: After admitting to friends and family that he had developed a serious problem, 32-year-old gaming addict Trevor Osborne revealed this week that he was trying to slowly wean himself off of real life.

“Clearly, I’ve gotten into this place where I’m overly dependent on reality and it’s really starting to harm the relationships I have with my clan members,” said Osborne, who told reporters that he regularly spends 15 hours in one sitting playing League Of Legends, saying that he would try cutting back to an hour or two of real life per day to stem his self-destructive need to engage with the outside world. “Ignoring the problem and just staying focused on my in-game responsibilities clearly hasn’t helped. Sometimes an entire day passes and I realize I’ve spent literally dozens of minutes just eating meals or using the bathroom before rushing back to my keyboard.”

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“The other day, I actually caught myself prioritizing getting an hour of sleep over boosting my Elo ranking,” he added. “That was when I realized something was seriously wrong.”

Osbourne cited the persistent headaches and feelings of nausea he experienced when exposed to the natural world as part of the reason he decided to take decisive action by breaking up with his girlfriend, Hannah, and forgoing showers entirely to recommit himself to improving his hotkeys game. He told us that he understands the scope of his problem after several LoL players sent him private messages complaining about his compulsive references to things and people that didn’t even exist inside the Runeterra gameworld.

Still, there’s reason for hope! Osborne was last spotted calling in sick to his temp job and using his credit card to buy 25 Hextech loot boxes rather than using it on a past-due electric bill.

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