Boy oh boy, gamers, we’re just living life out here, really just vibing with the scene tonight, so you’ve got to take what we’re about to say with a grain of salt. Obviously, this might just be the Sambuca talking, but Fall Guys: Ultimate Knockout is an energetic spin on the battle royale genre that everyone should try out.
No, we’ll go farther than that. If we were dead sober, we probably wouldn’t have the stones to say something like this. But it’s just something we feel like we need to say: Fall Guys is a more-than-welcome addition to the last man standing mechanics that sparkles with polish and an addictive gameplay loop.
Look, we know a lot of people said the popular battle royale formula was played out, and we’re obviously a little tipsy right now to boot. But what the hell, y’know? Our tongue is a little loosened by all that ’buca and what Fall Guys does best is dress up a tried-and-true formula with vibrant visuals and just enough platformer innovation to keep you coming back for more. God, who even ordered that last round?
Gamers, this is a time when we can really just be us, and this is a safe space because we trust you, which is why we’re willing to open up and say we love the way Fall Guys exchanges the typical battle royale violence for a unique sense of cartoon whimsy. It just feels like everything is coming together for us tonight if that makes sense. It’s funny how that happens, huh?
Have you ever had Sambuca before, gamers? It’s anise liquor or something like that. It’s not really good per se, but it’s unique and kind of addicting, not unlike Fall Guys’ level design.
Hold on. We should put something in the stomach just to absorb the alcohol before we talk about the delightful rag-doll physics. It was, like, $24 for this big tapas thing, but it’s going to be worth it tomorrow morning. We didn’t have lunch, so these shots were really going to our head. You don’t mind if we keep telling you about Fall Guys while we chow down, right? Man, these polpette meatball things are so good.
Anyway, gamers, we’re pretty wasted at this point. That’s probably clear already. But these shots and Peroni keep coming our way, and we’d feel like dicks refusing. Ugh. What were we even saying? Something about there being 24 minigames in all, ranging from simple obstacle course races to heart-pounding variations like Hoopsie Daisy?
Gosh, you’re so nice to us, gamers. You’re always reading our articles and looking to us for opinions on the latest in the gaming industry. It’s, like, we aren’t anything special, but you make us… feel special? If that makes sense? Obviously, we’re not trying to make you uncomfortable, but we’ve had enough to drink that it feels okay to tell you that we’ve felt that way about you for a long time. We have these dreams about you...
Oh God, what were we thinking? Sorry, we shouldn’t have said anything. We don’t know what we were talking about. It’s just all the Sambuca. We’ve had too much, gamers. We’re going to grab a cab home. We don’t even remember exactly what we said about Fall Guys. Please, just try to erase this whole thing from your memory.