Gamers, Are You Not Seeing All The Olives We Left Around The Expo Hall For You? Gotta Be Like 500 Dollars Worth Here, Be A Huge Waste If No One Eats Any

Illustration for article titled Gamers, Are You Not Seeing All The Olives We Left Around The Expo Hall For You? Gotta Be Like 500 Dollars Worth Here, Be A Huge Waste If No One Eats Any

So far, so good at our first-ever gaming conference! We’ve witnessed some amazing panels, dream-come-true announcements, and a few moments that surprised even us. Still, there’s one small detail that’s been irking us. Gamers, are you not seeing all the olives we left around the expo hall for you? There are, like, $500 worth here, and it’d be a huge waste if no one scooped them up and tried a few.

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We left all of these olives out for you, guys! So really, feel free to have at ’em!

Look, readers, we thought this would be a nice treat for everyone, so it’s just a bit of a bummer that we scattered these olives around the convention center and nobody is even picking them up to try a little nibble. Now, it’s possible no one has noticed them, but we really tried to make sure that wasn’t the case. There are olive on tables, some are on the floor, some are in baskets. Anywhere you look, there are olives.

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These aren’t some cheap prepackaged olives from the grocery store, either. Maybe that’s what you’re worried about? We went to a nice cheese store and picked them up before the show. We’re talking green and black. Even a few stuffed with blue cheese. Please understand, that’s hundreds of dollars from our pockets down the drain if you don’t even take a little nibble.

Come on, gamers, why are you stepping over them like they’re trash? These are really great olives. Some of them are Kalamatas straight from Greece, some have rosemary in the brine. There are even these spicy buffalo-flavored ones that are really nice, too. Even if you don’t want a ton of olives, you can be nice about it and just grab a couple.

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Hell, if you really don’t like olives, all you have to do is put them on your plate, walk around with them for a little bit, and then throw them out while we aren’t looking.

Honestly, we’re a little annoyed with you right now, gamers. We sent out an email to see if anybody had dietary restrictions and no one even responded, so we were left to assume everyone was cool with olives. And now we’ve basically spent 500 dollars on nothing.

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Think about it: How would that make you feel?

Now, we will take some ownership that we should have left them in jars instead of just putting them down on the conference floor and booths. But we had this image in our head that it would set up a nice tableau, and then we just ran with it. Who knows? Maybe we got overly excited about putting olives everywhere. Either way, their brine is probably an antibacterial, so it’s not like it’s going to get you sick by just picking them up and popping one in your mouth.

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Listen, we’re not perfect. Not by a long shot. We’ll admit that a pitted snack might not be the best thing for a video game conference without many trash cans. But you could have at least told us you didn’t enjoy olives before the conference started. We just wanted to do something nice for you and now you’re making us feel like jerks.

This wasn’t out of some food discretionary fund, either. All of our writers pooled their own money in a little manila envelope labeled “OLIVES” because we thought it would be a great reward for our attendees. Instead, we’re going to have to pack them up in Tupperware containers at the end of the day and take them home.

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Jeez. Thanks a lot, guys.

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