Gamer’s Fixation On Rayman Even More Unsettling For Not Being Sexual

Illustration for article titled Gamer’s Fixation On Rayman Even More Unsettling For Not Being Sexual

STOW, OH—Expressing deep reservations about how or why one would otherwise become such a devoted fan of the platforming character, sources confirmed Wednesday that local man Joseph Lee’s fixation on the video game character Rayman is even more unsettling for not being sexual. “Joe’s replayed pretty much all of the games, purchased a bunch of different Rayman T-shirts, and once even dressed up as Rayman for Halloween, and, eerily enough, he’s never once so much as hinted at being turned on by him,” said coworker Neil Solomon, explaining that he would understand if the reason for Lee moderating a Rayman fan site and collecting Rayman merchandise was because, deep down, he found the limbless humanoid sexually attractive, but that he has yet to suggest anything of the sort, which only made the situation all the more strange and upsetting. “I mean, none of the fan art that he posts online ever shows Rayman getting penetrated or brandishing a few floating genitals. I guess he could be keeping that to himself, but most of what he’s drawing is just Rayman innocently hanging out with the Raving Rabbids. So, I guess Joe’s just genuinely appreciates Rayman’s powers and design in a platonic way? Ugh. God, it’s so creepy.” At press time, sources reported having their skin crawl while reading Lee’s Facebook post about buying a vintage Rayman plush toy without even hinting that he would later use it to masturbate.

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