Photo: The Onion

With E3 coming up in less than a month, it’s time to prepare yourself for three days of red-hot game announcements, trailers, and demos from some of the biggest names in video games. Are you ready, gamers? Here’s this year’s press conference schedule.


Nintendo: Sunday, June 9, 7 a.m.

Mario’s plane lands at LAX. Without a Nintendo presser this year, this is your best shot at seeing the iconic star.

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Microsoft: Sunday, June 9, 1 p.m.

Really? The Excel people? At a game conference? Alright, I guess we’ll hear them out.

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Bethesda: Sunday, June 9, 5:30 p.m.

The publisher behind last year’s disappointing Fallout 76 is expected to trot out some of their disgraced developers to execute live as a peace offering to disappointed gamers.

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Tencent: Monday, June 10, 11 a.m.

The Chinese behemoth’s presentation is expected to grow to swallow every other E3 press conference after announcing the acquisition of every other developer on Earth for $4.3 trillion.

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Ubisoft: Monday, June 10, 1 p.m.

The developer is expected to announce a wave of new Rabbids crossover games including Donkey Kong Country: Rabbid Kingdom, Borderlands v. Rabbids, and Sekiro: Rabbids Die Twice.

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FromSoftware: Tuesday, June 11, 8 p.m.

Although certainly not for casual fans, devotees claim the experience of toughing it through a grueling, sadistic FromSoftware press conference is its own reward.

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Broderbund: Tuesday, June 11, 4 p.m.

Despite closing in 1998, the Carmen Sandiego and Choplifter developer would like to remind everyone the rights to the Broderbund logo are still up for grabs.

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Sony: N/A

Sony has announced their decision not to participate this year. Unless…do you think they’re planning a big surprise for us?! Oh, my God!

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