For years, Luigi’s kindhearted nature and well-meaning oafishness have endeared him to millions of fans who were willing to look past his lengthy history of incompetence. But it seems like the iconic Nintendo character might have just passed the point of no return: The big guy in green apparently left his space heater plugged in for three days straight, and now the entire Paper Mario kingdom has burned to the ground.
Yikes. This is looking bad for Luigi, gamers.
The catastrophe unfolded on Wednesday at around 4 a.m. as Luigi slept soundly on the futon in his studio apartment in Toad Town. Ignoring all safety warnings, the platforming icon apparently left his space heater running and unattended for days on end, only to be awoken by a rush of flame and smoke from a nearby tissue paper-based toadstool. Within minutes, The Origami Kings’ paper world was engulfed in an outright conflagration that stretched from Chestnut Road to Sweetpaper Valley.
Sadly, despite the best efforts of Toads and the Cheeps Cheeps to combat the blaze with water and wind, the inferno was uncontrollable. Now, due to Luigi’s outright negligence, Paper Mario’s world is a literal tinderbox, leaving thousands dead and the Mushroom Kingdom’s survivors struggling to rebuild the charred remains of their life.
We here at OGN have always loved Luigi, but even we must now agree that someone must put an end to his ineptitudes. While some will say this was only an accident, ignorance is no excuse when it comes to destruction and mayhem like this. For this reason, we’re joining the widespread call for his arrest. Hopefully a few years locked in the deepest depths of Bowser’s Castle will help him come to terms with what he’s done and finally give him the kick in the ass he needs to do something with his life.