Listen up, gamers, because we’ve got a killer deal that you’re not going to want to miss: This kid who lives over on the busy stretch of Allen Avenue has all the coolest games and you can play them at his house if you can just get over how weird he is!
That’s right, gaming aficionados! Soon you could be playing all the best, most exciting titles for hours on end and all it will cost you is selectively ignoring certain aspects of this little guy’s offputting personality and home life!
If you’ve been dying to get your hands on Godfall or Assassins Creed: Valhalla, you’re in luck, because this weirdo has a PS5 that you can play to your heart’s content while sitting on a mildewed couch on his screened-in porch. And if you’re more of a vintage fan, don’t worry, because this kid has everything from Super Nintendo and a Sega Genesis that he got from his much older brother that you can clearly see through the window smoking something that’s either a pipe or a bong, and he isn’t hiding it at all. He’s, like, 40 years old.
All this and more could be yours for the low, low price of pretending you don’t notice the unsettling guttural vocalizations this kid makes every time he shoots someone!
And as if all this isn’t tempting enough, gaming fans will get exclusive access to Halo: Infinite for the Xbox Series X when that weird kid goes inside for 45 minutes to get in a screaming match with his grandmother! Be sure to act quick because there’s no way this situation is sustainable and it’s only a matter of time before he gets expelled from school or his family gets evicted or something!