Illustration for article titled Deal Alert: This 4-Year-Old Wandered Really Far From The Playground, Your Car’s Right There, And Her Parents Would Definitely Cough Up Enough For A Marvel 3-In-1 Arcade Machine To Get Her Back

Attention all arcade fans! Here’s an opportunity that’s just too good to miss out on: This 4-year-old girl wandered really far away from the playground, your car’s right there, and her parents would definitely cough up enough for a Marvel three-in-one arcade machine to get her back.

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That’s right! You were just hanging out at the park and this little preschooler practically walked right up to you, and if you grab her now, her mom and dad probably care more than enough to compensate you with the cash needed to buy an authentic vintage-style arcade cabinet featuring three classic Marvel games.

This 4-foot arcade machine usually retails for $299, so taking off with this little girl and throwing her in your trunk until her parents pay through the nose will let you save quite a bundle! And as a special bonus, you could probably demand enough for the optional one-foot riser (cost: $100) to raise the cabinet to eye-level if they really think their daughter’s life is in danger and want her to be returned unharmed.

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Simply toss your coat over her, pick her up, and drive like hell, and soon you’ll be spending hours reliving the glory days of arcade gaming with Marvel Super Heroes, X-Men: Children Of The Atom, and Punisher all in one attractive package. Just think about it: No one is going to be hurt, her parents will get their young daughter back, and you’ll be getting to live the gamer’s dream for virtually nothing!

Pretty sweet deal, right, gamers?

But be sure to act now, because there’s an alarmed-looking woman over by the swings starting to look in your direction and this incredible opportunity won’t last long.

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