Illustration for article titled Deal Alert: The Federal Government Is Cutting You A $1,200 Stimulus Check That You Can, And Should, Spend Exclusively On 75 Copies Of ‘Stardew Valley’

Things are finally looking up for gamers searching for the deal of a lifetime! After weeks of panic and uncertainty, Onion Gamers Network is now confirming that the federal government reached a decision early Wednesday morning to cut you a stimulus check for $1,200 that you can—and should—spend exclusively on 75 copies of Stardew Valley.


Talk about an incredible deal! Getting a check from the U.S. Treasury and using it all on these six-dozen-plus copies of the classic farming simulator is the perfect way for video game fans to weather out these stressful times, which is why we’re recommending you do exactly that, and only that, with your money.

Don’t think about this. Just do it.

Here’s how it works! In one month, the stimulus of $1,200 big ones will start arriving at the houses of gamers across the country. From there, you’re just a quick trip to Steam and 75 short clicks from taking advantage of this opportunity. Do this immediately, before you have second thoughts. At $14.99 per copy, this is a deal that you can’t afford to wait on!


Of course, some might encourage you not to spend the check all in one place. They might suggest that you should think through other options before splurging on this many digital copies of a game released in 2016. That’s totally understandable, and that’s why we would suggest you diversify your purchase by buying half of these copies in a physical form. Sure, you’ll spend a bit more on shipping, but the second you have 20 or 30 Stardew Valley game cases sprawled out on your floor, you’ll realize you made the right decision.

So get ready to enjoy some sincerely epic savings, readers. You’re about to spend your stimulus check the only way a true gamer should!


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