Illustration for article titled Complete Bullshit: Designers Of This Online Shooter Made It So This Guy Died Even Though He Totally Ducked

Now here’s an example of developers who aren’t doing their jobs. Riot Games, the publisher behind the upcoming 5v5 shooter Valorant, apparently designed it so that beta user Kyle Evans died even though he totally ducked.

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This is the sort of bullshit we hate to see in games.

“What the fuck was that?” the 27-year-old reportedly shouted into his microphone, bemoaning the faulty game design that allowed his character to crumple to the ground from a shotgun blast despite clearly having dodged out of the way. “It’s so annoying when a game doesn’t even work right. I wasn’t a tiny bit close to where that shot went.”

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“Screw this,” added the victim of the shooter’s patently unfair mechanics, which Riot Games intentionally programmed to cause those like himself to suffer such arbitrary deaths.

What’s most frustrating is imagining the hours upon hours of physics development and predictive modeling it required for Riot Games to both anticipate where Evans was heading and then to arc bullets into his direction, in defiance of all laws of physics. You’d think the developer would have better things to do with their time than pointlessly beat up on players, but apparently these snakes are only focused on making Evans’ gaming experience that much more infuriating.

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Even worse? This isn’t the first time this particular gamer has been targeted by Riot Games. In fact, it’s coming fresh on the heels of another totally unjust experience in which he was killed by a grenade even though he was reportedly already halfway across the map. It raises the question: Why is Riot Games doing this? Do they have a vendetta against Evans? Do they find it entertaining to ruin someone’s play sessions for no apparent reason? Or are they simply cruel individuals who take pleasure from the suffering of others?

Whatever it is, let’s hope they release a patch soon that can make things right. Otherwise, we will have no choice but to ask our readers to boycott their game in perpetuity. Stay tuned!

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